LOVE ONE ANOTHER AS I HAVE LOVED YOU
(Jn 15:12): A challenge and Opportunity.
Dr.
Fr. Davis George, Former NET and AET
Fathers in love, mothers in love,
families in love. The greatest legacy we can give to our children is the loving
relationship we have between husband and wife, father and mother. Not our
wealth and possessions, name and fame. Leadership through example; leadership
through relationship. Dialoguing way of life as against monologue and married
single life. Many families are broken, relationships shattered, dreams
forgotten because of lack of tender love, lack of communication, lack of
forgiveness and empathetic understanding of each other’s needs. Emmaus journey,
(Lk 24:13-35) is a perfect example for all of to learn to practice dialoguing
way of life which is so special to us Encountered couples and priests. Our
relationship has the power of continuing the journey with our spouse despite
setbacks and disillusionment in life. Ego (Edging God out) centric life
fulfilling the expectations of the world and ignoring the covenantal love with
which they began the journey on the day of Marriage causes division and
disruption in relationship. It’s time for us to revisit the vision of Worldwide
Marriage Encounter.
Worldwide Marriage encounter has
relentlessly pursued its vision which Jesus gave, “Love one another as I have
loved you.” Leader is the one who knows the way, shows the way and goes
the way. And that is what Jesus did. He came to establish the way of
love, the only way to peace and prosperity. He confronted all those who
promoted rituals and rubrics, dogmas and doctrines and failed miserably in
loving, serving, forgiving. Jesus showed it in action by stretching out
his hands on the cross said “this much I love you.” He established a new
benchmarking in relationship giving it a primacy above all other matters of
law. At each step he was defining what love is. Look at the case of the Good
Samaritan, the woman caught in adultery, the Samaritan woman, healing the sick
even on a Sabbath day, feeding thousands of people, appreciate the faith of
people from other religion, vehemently criticizing the hypocrisy of the Scribes
and Pharisees and finally paying the price on the cross. He did not work
for an earthly kingdom where power and wealth would rule the world. He
established the kingdom of love where love alone would reign
supreme. It was no new religion he came to establish but A
WAY OF LIVING, A NEW WAY OF LOVING AS Jesus did. As we read in the Acts
of the Apostles those who followed Jesus were known as people who belonged to
the Way. (Acts 9:2; 19:9)
By this all men will know that you
are my disciples, if you have love for one another. (Jn 13:35) What an awesome
statement. The trademark of the disciples of Jesus is not the church or cross
or statues and Novenas, but loving relationship on a daily basis failing which
all our rituals and rubrics, doctrines and dogmas will be like “ a noisy gong
or a clanging cymbal”(1 Cor 13:1). The early Church knew the power of love and
its practical significance in daily life. (1 Cor 13) Amazing clarity and
irreplaceable priority. “Let not your love be in word and speech but in deed
and truth.(1 Jn 3:18)
Pope Francis has been a source of
inspiration with his practical approach to life and relationship. He wants to
strengthen couples and families through his practical wisdom:
1. Say These Three Words.
In order to have a healthy family,
three words need to be used. And I want to repeat these three words: please,
thank you, sorry. Three essential words! We say please so as not to be forceful
in family life: “May I please do this? Would you be happy if I did this?” We do
this with a language that seeks agreement. We say thank you, thank you for
love! Be honest with me, how many times do you say thank you to your wife, and
you to your husband? How many days go by without uttering this word? And the
last word: sorry. We all make mistakes, and on occasion someone gets offended
in the marriage, in the family and harsh words are spoken. But please listen to
my advice: don’t ever let the sun set without reconciling. Peace is made each
day in the family.
2. Do the Little Things.
It is true that there are so many
difficulties in married life, so many, when there is insufficient work or
money, when the children have problems . . . and many times the husband and
wife become a little fractious and argue between themselves. . . . Yet we must
not become saddened by this. Love is stronger than the moment when there is
arguing, and therefore I always advise spouses: do not let a day when you have
argued end without making peace. Always! And to make peace it isn’t necessary
to call the United Nations to come to the house and make peace. A little gesture
is sufficient, a caress, and then let it be!
3. Keep Dreaming!
I am very fond of dreams in
families. For nine months every mother and father dreams about their baby. Am I
right? They dream about what kind of child he or she will be. . . . You can’t have
a family without dreams. Once a family loses the ability to dream, children do
not grow, love does not grow, life shrivels up and dies. So I ask you each
evening, when you make your examination of conscience, to also ask yourselves
this question: Today did I dream about my children’s future? Today did I dream
about the love of my husband, my wife? Did I dream about my parents and
grandparents who have gone before me? Dreaming is very important. Especially
dreaming in families. Do not lose this ability to dream! How many difficulties
in married life are resolved when we leave room for dreaming; when we stop for
a moment to think of our spouse and dream about the goodness present in
everything around us. So it is very important to reclaim love by what we do
each day. Do not ever stop being newlyweds!
4. Make Time to Play.
About trying to reconcile working
hours with family time . . . Let me tell you one thing. . . . When a young mom
or dad comes, I ask: “How many children do you have?” and they tell me. And I
ask another question, always: “Tell me: do you play with your children?” Most
of them answer: “What are you asking, Father?” “Yes, yes: do you play? Do you
spend time with your children?” We are losing this capacity, this wisdom of
playing with our children. The economic situation pushes us to this, to lose
this. Please, spend time with our children!
5. Pray Together.
It is in the family that we first
learn how to pray. Don’t forget: the family that prays together stays together!
This is important. There we come to know God, to grow into men and women of
faith, and to see ourselves as members of God’s greater family—the Church. In
the family we learn how to love, to forgive, to be generous and open, not
closed and selfish. We learn to move beyond our own needs, to encounter others
and share our lives with them. That is why it is so important to pray as a
family! So important! That is why families are so important in God’s plan for
the Church!
6. Accept Your Imperfections.
More than anywhere else, the family
is where we daily experience our own limits and those of others, the problems
great and small entailed in living peacefully with others. A perfect family
does not exist. We should not be fearful of imperfections, weakness, or even
conflict, but rather learn how to deal with them constructively. The family,
where we keep loving one another despite our limits and sins, thus becomes a
school of forgiveness. Forgiveness is itself a process of communication. When
contrition is expressed and accepted, it becomes possible to restore and
rebuild the communication which broke down. A child who has learned in the
family to listen to others, to speak respectfully, and to express his or her
view without negating that of others, will be a force for dialogue and reconciliation
in society.
7. Be Patient.
Are you married? Be a saint by
loving and taking care of your husband or your wife, as Christ did for the
Church. . . . Are you a parent or a grandparent? Be a saint by passionately
teaching your children or grandchildren to know and to follow Jesus. It takes
so much patience to do this: to be a good parent, a good grandfather, a good
mother, a good grandmother; it takes so much patience and with this patience
comes holiness: by exercising patience.
Closing Words from Pope Francis
We need simplicity to pray as a
family: simplicity is necessary! Praying the Our Father together, around the
table, is not something extraordinary: it’s easy. And praying the Rosary
together, as a family, is very beautiful and a source of great strength!
And also praying for one another! The husband for his wife, the wife for her
husband, both together for their children, the children for their
grandparents….praying for each other. This is what it means to pray in
the family and it is what makes the family strong: prayer.
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